\u201cThe Lord is my\nshepherd; I shall not want.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
These opening words of Psalm 23 are familiar to most. But each of us can ask ourselves honestly: Do I really believe that?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Speaking for myself, the truthful answer is both \u201cyes\u201d and \u201cno.\u201d It is one thing to know at an intellectual level that God is all-good, all-powerful, and all-loving; or to state that I believe that he will provide for all my needs. And truly, I believe these things! But I also know the bind I sometimes feel. There can be that clutch of dread or panic about impending conflict, the crushing weight of responsibility (even if self-inflicted), or the suffocating feeling that those I thought I could trust are now pulling back and leaving me unprotected. In those moments, there are parts of me that urge me to hide and isolate rather than surrender unconditionally into God\u2019s hands. It can feel so much safer to take matters into my own hands and to feel some measure of control rather than surrendering to God \u2013 what if his love won\u2019t be enough??<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n In my own case, this inner resistance I sometimes experience isn\u2019t so much in the form of words or thoughts as bodily sensations or deeply felt feelings. One way or another, I am quite familiar with the inner cry that screams out: It won\u2019t be enough!!<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n I know I am not the only one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n There is a reason why Psalm 23 is so appealing. It speaks\nsoothing and reassuring truths to so many of us who need to hear them again and\nagain as we internalize them. We all need to know that God is abundantly good\nto us. We need to know that our hunger and thirst will find deep satisfaction\nin him. We need to know that we will be mightily protected by his rod and\nalways guided by his staff \u2013 never abandoned in a place of powerlessness or\nstuck alone in a valley of death. We need to taste and see his goodness \u2013 even\nin this life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Psalm 145 offers similar strong reassurance that the Lord\u2019s love and care will always be\nenough for us, and that our deepest desires and needs will be met by him:<\/p>\n\n\n\n The Lord supports all who are falling\n If you are anything like me, you may find that you strongly believe the truth of these words, and desire to live by them \u2013 AND experience inner resistance. So\u2026 What do we do when part of us screams out, \u201cIt won\u2019t be enough!!\u201d?<\/p>\n\n\n\n I can rattle off the things so many of us tend to do in those moments \u2013 pull out our phones, scroll through social media, eat comfort food, binge on sugar or caffeine, fantasize about ways of getting away from it all, bury ourselves in busy work, fixate on the faults of those around us, and so many more. These days, there are no shortage of surrogates we can turn to in an attempt to replace real relationships. Then we reach a point of disillusionment and realize that these things we pursued to make sure it would be enough not only were not enough, but actually depleted us. We feel frustrated with ourselves and tend to trust God even less and to want to hide ourselves even more. A vicious cycle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Alternatively, we can open ourselves to the kindness of God and other trusted companions, and become genuinely curious about the inner conflict. Rather than fleeing the images or feelings or bodily sensations that can be so unpleasant, we can follow where they lead us. In many cases, the reason why I am having trouble trusting and surrendering to God now is because my body is remembering what I felt like way back when. If I have past experiences in which I felt deeply deprived, neglected, abandoned, unprotected, or powerless, then it makes a great deal of sense that my body would warn me in the present moment that the same danger is immanent. The situation now is radically different \u2013 but my implicit memory doesn\u2019t know any better; it\u2019s doing it\u2019s just doing its job by warning me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The ultimate answer is to be found in an experience of genuine relationships, connection and communion, abiding in love and truth, staying present to others and God \u2013 and even to those parts of myself that try to tell me that it won\u2019t be enough.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Ironically, I think many Christians have learned how to pray in a way that keeps God at a distance \u2013 especially from the ways in which we most need his loving presence. There have been seasons in my life in which I have looked at prayer much more as a \u201cshould\u201d or a matter of being disciplined enough or getting it right. Rather than a close connection with God, many of us either avoid the vulnerability of prayer (and shame ourselves for being \u201clazy\u201d), or we stay \u201cbusy\u201d in prayer in a way that allows us to feel safe and in control, but hinders receptivity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nand raises up all who are bowed down.\n
\nThe eyes of all look hopefully to you;\n
\nYou give them their food in due season.\n
\nYou open wide your hand\n
\nand satisfy the desire of every living thing.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n