\u201cGod doesn\u2019t give us more than we can handle.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
At least that is what many Christians say in the face of trial or loss. But is it actually helpful? And is it true? I believe it is rather unhelpful, and only partially true.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019ve written before on the importance of <\/strong>learning to sit with sadness <\/strong><\/a>\u2013 something we tend to avoid! It\u2019s hard enough when it\u2019s our own sorrow. We\u2019d rather plunge into busyness or fixing or numbing rather than face our grief. But it\u2019s especially hard when we are in the presence of other people\u2019s pain. That\u2019s when the advice or clich\u00e9s come out!<\/p>\n\n\n\n First, we\u2019ll try to fix it \u2013 if there seems to be a way of\nfixing. We\u2019ll be \u201cgenerous\u201d and offer to help; we\u2019ll make suggestions for books\nor podcasts; or we\u2019ll compare this person\u2019s pain with our own or that of a\nfriend \u2013 anything to help make the pain go away, because we don\u2019t like to feel\nit, and we definitely don\u2019t like to feel powerless.<\/p>\n\n\n\n In some cases (tragedies or definitive losses), there is nothing we can do. When fixing doesn\u2019t work, we start grabbing for clich\u00e9s. Surely one of them will be the magic wand that will make this feeling of powerlessness go away! Surely one of them will help this person feel better so that I can feel better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Are these clich\u00e9s helpful? No, I would say not. They often\nhave the effect of \u201cblaming the victim\u201d or shaming others for feeling the way\nthey feel. Rather than compassion<\/em><\/strong> (\u201csuffering with\u201d), clich\u00e9s are\na way of stepping back from the pain of others and leaving them to suffer\nalone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I suppose there is a time and a place for distracting or diverting from pain. Perhaps we are in a survival situation and lack the time, resources, or energy to engage head on. If mere survival is the best we can hope for at the moment, then we can indeed turn to our arsenal of distractions and find ways to minimize the pain.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Even when we are ready to face heartache, we are still human,\nmeaning we are limited. We can\u2019t face it all the time. It can be appropriate to\ntake a break from our grieving, laugh together at a joke or a movie, plunge\ninto a hobby or game, and so forth. A clich\u00e9 could be helpful as permission to\ntake a short break from the pain.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But if our Christian families and communities are unable or unwilling to accompany people as they face pain and heartache, then where can they go? Jesus does not want his Church to be a place of mere survival, but God\u2019s own hospital in which we experience healing, redemption, restoration, and total transformation. That only happens by facing our heartache, taking up our Cross, following Jesus, dying amidst our powerlessness, watching and waiting, and experiencing the newness of the Resurrection. If we desire to be \u201chelpful\u201d to those in pain, we must first walk this path ourselves \u2013 as Jesus did. We can\u2019t give what we ourselves have not experienced.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Is there any truth to this expression, that \u201cGod doesn\u2019t give us more than we can handle\u201d? Sort of.\u00a0 Here is what the apostle Paul says:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cNo trial has come to you but what is human. God is\nfaithful and will not let you be tried beyond your strength; but with the trial\nhe will also provide a way out, so that you may be able to bear it\u201d<\/em><\/strong> (1\nCorinthians 10:13).<\/p>\n\n\n\n As you can see, the clich\u00e9 is an\noversimplification and distortion of what Scripture actually says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Paul doesn\u2019t attribute our trials directly to God\u2019s agency. God permits or allows us to endure trials, but they are human. They are the result of a misuse of human freedom \u2013 by our first parents, by others who have caused harm, and by our own sins. Directly or indirectly, all trials in this life are the result of human sin. God allows these consequences because he has entrusted us with dignity, freedom, and\u00a0 real authority amidst our stewardship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n God is faithful. He is absolutely\ncommitted to accompanying us through every trial. He will never abandon us, and\nwill never leave us without every means of assistance that we truly need to\nmove through the trial.<\/p>\n\n\n\n