Most of us dread the shedding of tears \u2013 particularly in front of other people. There are many reasons why we hold back. We don\u2019t want to feel weak or vulnerable. We fear rejection. We fear losing control, perhaps even fear that if we start sobbing, we will never stop. Whether we realize it or not, we probably learned these lessons from word or example in family life. Whether spoken or unspoken, it was against the rules. The shedding of tears comes so spontaneously and naturally to little children. Then, rather than being guided and directed and nurtured, it comes to be seen as a threat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I have come to learn that tears can be a precious gift from\nGod.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I am by no means the first to make this observation. Many authors in contemporary charismatic circles talk about \u201cthe gift of tears\u201d as a charism (a \u201cspiritual gift\u201d of the Holy Spirit along the lines of tongues, interpretation, prophecy, healing, etc.). True, there are individuals who experience weeping as an outward manifestation of the presence and activity of the Holy Spirit. This was all the rage in sixteenth-century Spain \u2013 to the point that authentic mystics like John of the Cross, Teresa of Avila, or Ignatius of Loyola had to warn against the faking of tears as a false expression of piety, even showing off. That risk is still there for some today, but I much more frequently find a false toughness that holds back tears.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
More commonly over the centuries, tears are an expression of\nrepentance and conversion, opening us up to love God and neighbor with fuller\nfreedom. Examples abound in Scripture. King David weeps over his sins (Psalm\n51). The prophet Jeremiah allows his eyes to stream day and night over the\ngreat ruination which overwhelms God\u2019s people (Jeremiah 14). Nehemiah\u2019s tears\nover the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem move the heart of the Persian\nKing Artaxerxes. This pagan ruler is so touched with empathy that he sends\nNehemiah with full funding and an armed force to go to Jerusalem to fight and\nrebuild (Nehemiah 1-2).<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In the New Testament there is the marvelous story of Saint Peter. The very moment he denies Jesus a third time, Peter experiences a gaze of mercy from him (Luke 22). The Lord turns to look upon him with full knowledge AND full love. Peter knows that he is known and knows that he is loved. He goes out and weeps bitterly. According to many Christian legends and stories, it was by no means the last time Peter would weep. His tears went on to captivate the imagination and heart of Christian mystics and artists for centuries.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What a journey of lifelong conversion Peter undergoes! From the beginning he is drawn to follow the Lord Jesus. He leaves his nets behind. He believes from day one, and never falters in his faith, even when he repeatedly falters in loving Jesus. He denies Jesus; his actions show us time and again that his understanding is only partial. The growth is prolonged and slow. Even after the Resurrection, when Peter joins Jesus on the seashore, there is still much conversion needed. Jesus asks Peter three times if he loves him \u2013 offering three renewals of love to the man who three times denied him. But there is more in the Greek. Jesus asks Peter if he loves him with agape<\/em> \u2013 that self-emptying, sacrificial love that Jesus showed on the Cross. Peter answers that he loves Jesus with philia<\/em> \u2013 brotherly love.\u00a0 Jesus is inviting Peter to confess the full truth of his present condition. There is almost a sense of playfulness about it, certainly gentleness. Jesus is not disappointed in Peter; rather, he is encouraging him, inviting him farther and farther along the path of conversion. He doesn\u2019t expect Peter to get there all at once, yet he speaks the truth to him with love. He encourages Peter that he will one day be strong enough to lay down his life with a full agape<\/em> love. For now, Peter is not yet ready, and that is okay. Jesus just invites him \u201cFollow me.\u201d The rest will come in due time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I am guessing Peter had tears in his eyes at that moment as\nwell. It is easy to imagine him shedding tears at all the key moments of his\nconversion. The mercy of God unleashes our tears, and our tears unleash his\nmercy. It\u2019s a wonderful, virtuous cycle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The Desert Fathers, those mighty monks of the early\ncenturies, often discussed tears as a marvelous gift of God. They saw tears as\na powerful remedy against the evil spirit of acedia<\/em> \u2013 one of the subtlest and most formidable foes we will ever\nface.<\/p>\n\n\n\n