How do we reclaim authentic fatherhood without succumbing to counterfeit versions of it?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The only way we can discover true fatherhood is to go back\nto its true source: God the Father and the eternal communion of love that is\nthe Trinity. The Father is the source, the eternal font, without being \u201cgreater\nthan.\u201d The Son is from the Father, yet they are coequal in dignity and majesty.\nThe Son eternally receives from the Father; he has his very identity from the\nFather. Yet he is just as fully and perfectly God as the Father is God. All\nthat is the Father\u2019s is his. The loving communion between them, the eternal\ndelight they share IS the Holy Spirit. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I have been relishing Jacques Philippe\u2019s new book entitled Priestly Fatherhood<\/em>. He rejects all\nabusive forms of fatherhood while gently but firmly inviting his fellow\nCatholic priests to be icons of God\u2019s Fatherhood. Icons are not God; rather,\nthey draw us into the divine. Priests are invited to be loving shepherds,\nloving in a fatherly way as we accompany the flock into the heart of God the\nFather. How beautiful it is when we Catholic priests embrace our ordained\nidentity as \u201canother Christ\u201d \u2013 one who manifests the love of the heart of Jesus\nso that others can come to see the face of the Father in heaven. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Often, we falsely exalt priestly fatherhood \u2013 putting priests up on a pedestal, pretending like we are not truly human. Our fatherhood is genuine, but it is only a sharing or a participation in God\u2019s Fatherhood. It remains a heavenly treasure held in vessels of clay (2 Corinthians 4:7-11). When we priests forget our humanity, we begin abusing power and harming people. When people expect us priests to be superhuman, they will wear us out. Both happen far too often! God is the true Father people seek, and that means renouncing any idolatrous versions of priestly fatherhood.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Jacques Philippe names well some of the distortions of fatherhood. I would like to consider three of them: severity<\/strong>, absence<\/strong>, and chumminess<\/strong>. I think they are the most common abuses \u2013 not only for shepherds and spiritual fathers, but also for dads in family life!<\/p>\n\n\n\n Severe fathers harm their children, who live in fear of\nmissteps or mistakes. The children feel like their efforts will never be good\nenough; they will never measure up. Sometimes the abuse is blatant: name\ncalling, belittling, yelling, screaming, interrupting, or assaulting through\nphysical violence. Other times, the abuse is subtler \u2013 not loving the children\nfor who they are, expecting them to fit a certain image or mold, only showing\nthem love or affection when they behave a certain way or play their proper\nrole, reacting with anger or fear if they somehow bring shame on the family or\nexpose the family\u2019s problems to others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Absent fatherhood is every bit as damaging, perhaps even more so. Fathers who abdicate their authority leave their children alone to face the harshness of a fallen world, to figure things out for themselves. When children feel alone, unseen, unheard, and uncared for, it doesn\u2019t take much for them to internalize a lie of worthlessness. Something must be wrong with me.<\/em> <\/p>\n\n\n\n What Jacques Philippe describes as \u201cchumminess\u201d is a third failure of fatherhood. Yes, it gives lots of attention to the children. Perhaps they even like it \u2013 much of the time. But it becomes a using and an exploitation \u2013 meeting the emotional needs of the father in a way that ultimately sucks the life out of the children rather than strengthening them, holding them accountable, and helping them discover their true identity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n As I read Jacques Philippe, I found myself immediately\nthinking of another favorite book of mine, Unwanted<\/em>\nby Jay Stringer. It is, to date, the single best book on unwanted sexual\nbehaviors, why they happen, where they come from, and how real transformation\nhappens. Jay conducted research with 3,800 individuals and found some common denominators\nin their family of origin: rigidity, disengagement, and triangulation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cRigidity\u201d is another way of describing severe parenting, just as \u201cdisengagement\u201d is another way of describing emotional absence or lack of connection. The term \u201ctriangulation\u201d is unfamiliar to most, but we need only turn to Genesis to find examples. Isaac and Rebekah are in a marriage covenant, but Rebekah prefers emotional intimacy with her son Jacob, while Isaac prefers their twin son Esau. Jacob continues the pattern into the next generation, choosing his own favorite son Joseph.\u00a0 Joseph, at first, rather enjoys the power and privilege of this special relationship with daddy \u2013 which incites much envy and violence from his brothers. They make him pay by selling him into slavery.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Fatherhood, in its authenticity, is a humble exercise of\nauthority that helps children to know who they are. Consistent and loving\nfatherhood allows children to be secure in their identity. If you read the\nwritings of John Paul II on Theology of the Body (please do!), you will\ndiscover that our identity and our sexuality cannot be separated from one\nanother. God created us male and female in his own image. The devil immediately\nand furiously assaulted that identity, seducing us into a ruptured relationship\nwith God, others, and ourselves. We have been wounded ever since, both in our\nsense of identity as children of God and in our sexuality \u2013 which, more broadly\nspeaking, includes how we relate to anyone and everyone. Most of us struggle to\nsome degree in having healthy and holy relationships. We wear masks and hide\nparts of ourselves; we resist vulnerability and true intimacy \u2013 because we are\nwounded.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Only God the Father can restore us in our true identity,\nthrough Jesus his Son, in the Holy Spirit. Earthly fathers (both dads and\npriests) are given authority for the purpose of helping the children to\nexperience God\u2019s Fatherhood. Earthly fathers harm, but we can repair the harm.\nWe can recognize and confess that we have been severe or rigid, that we have\nabdicated or abandoned, or that we have used others to meet our own needs. We\ncan become authentic fathers who are truly icons of God the Father. We can\nshine the love of the Father in a world that needs it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But how?<\/p>\n\n\n\n To be concluded\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" How do we reclaim authentic fatherhood without succumbing to counterfeit versions of it? The only way we can discover true fatherhood is to go back to its true source: God the Father and the eternal communion of love that is the Trinity. The Father is the source, the eternal font, without being \u201cgreater than.\u201d The … <\/p>\n